the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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