What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
