So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
