i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
