C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
