You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
