remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
