What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
