so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At least life still wants to fuck me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
