My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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