As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
