Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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