I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
