We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
