Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
