you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
