Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
