it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
