I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
