And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
