Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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