At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I love having hate sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
