he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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