I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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