Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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