Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
