Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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