i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
