it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
