I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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