he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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