we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
