They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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