i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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