I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
