So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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