Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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