Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
