I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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