How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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