6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
