does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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