she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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