did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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