so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
