You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
