I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
