u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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