I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
