My girlfriend figured out who you are.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
