We won't sleep together?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
