Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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