I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
