shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
